The Spring thaw brings with it a change in discourse. Harrisburg Tea Party strategist Jarvis Ellersby, 46, appeared giddy during his morning presser.
“Just because the snow is melting, it doesn’t mean oversensitive, PC liberal yahoos go away for the summer,” Ellersby quipped, barely able to contain his jubilation. “Sure, all the unique, one-of-a-kind snowflakes are gone. But now, I give you, the dandelion. Annoying weeds somehow symbolic of a free-spirited life offer the perfect analogy of contempt and loathing we’ve been looking for! Like snowflakes, the gentlest breeze disintegrates these delicate little turds and shows just how fragile and pathetic they really are.”
A majority stake-holder in the Kountry Korner hardware and gardening emporium nestled between Harrisburg and Tea, Ellersby didn’t miss his opportunity for salesmanship.
“We’re having a blowout sale on weed killer to mark this momentous occasion. Bring down a picture of a dandelion you want to root out, and get $2 off any purchase. Defaced pictures of Hussain Obama will get you an extra $.50 off.”
Ellersby had no comment when one young upstart reporter from Lennox asked about the ability of a dandelion to spread its seeds when blown by wind, and thus, following Ellersby’s logic, spreading the very object of this political assault.